I have struggled with being single. I find myself obsessively thinking about being single and finding a girl. This translates to seeing girls in public and feeling deeply moved. I think about it on the bus ride home. It is like a constant gnawing that I can't seem make go away. I go through long stretches being single and I was wonder to myself, damn, what would I be thinking about if I wasn't consistently ruminating over girls?
These thoughts are usually fleeting with the general theme of, "She looks so pretty, I wish I can meet her, I am so single, I feel alone, If only I could meet someone, & something is missing from my life." These feelings usually leave me in a dull and depressed mood. I may come home feeling defeated or slightly empty. I understand that coping with these feelings by actually finding someone is probably not the most healthy/sustainable method, but I wonder if there are biological underpinnings causing those thoughts in all of us to motivate us to find a partner
So for observational reasons, I want to keep track and pay attention to how my thought patterns change when I start seeing a girl regularly. My goal is to cross examine my state of mind when I am single and alone to when I am actively seeing someone. I want to find the disconnect, and why I have these all-consuming thoughts when I am alone. What do these thoughts and worries turn into when I meet someone? Is this normal and if it is, how should I best control it to increase my quality of life when I am single.
I recently met someone and we have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Every time I met someone in the past, I immediately notice an immediate decrease in those incessant thoughts of being single. So, where has my mind been going to nowadays? My mind does feel slightly more freed up to enjoy the present moment and just be. I get less waves of feeling defeated and alone. But I notice that some of my worries and thoughts transition to new themes around me. For example, I have incessant thoughts about whether or not this new girl and I will make it. Which has been consistent with past relationships as well. I think about it more than I should. I wonder if it is some type of self-sabotaging behavior or if they are genuine worries?
Another place my mind goes in replacement of old worries, is to compare the pros and cons of being single to those of dating someone. This is especially annoying because It is literally the backwards thinking that screams irrationality. I wanted to not be single, then when I am, I begin to question which of the two states I am a happier in. This highlights the importance of addressing these feelings independently of my relationships/dating life. Those are feelings and thoughts I need to process on my own without using others as a quick remedy.
These thoughts are usually fleeting with the general theme of, "She looks so pretty, I wish I can meet her, I am so single, I feel alone, If only I could meet someone, & something is missing from my life." These feelings usually leave me in a dull and depressed mood. I may come home feeling defeated or slightly empty. I understand that coping with these feelings by actually finding someone is probably not the most healthy/sustainable method, but I wonder if there are biological underpinnings causing those thoughts in all of us to motivate us to find a partner
So for observational reasons, I want to keep track and pay attention to how my thought patterns change when I start seeing a girl regularly. My goal is to cross examine my state of mind when I am single and alone to when I am actively seeing someone. I want to find the disconnect, and why I have these all-consuming thoughts when I am alone. What do these thoughts and worries turn into when I meet someone? Is this normal and if it is, how should I best control it to increase my quality of life when I am single.
I recently met someone and we have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Every time I met someone in the past, I immediately notice an immediate decrease in those incessant thoughts of being single. So, where has my mind been going to nowadays? My mind does feel slightly more freed up to enjoy the present moment and just be. I get less waves of feeling defeated and alone. But I notice that some of my worries and thoughts transition to new themes around me. For example, I have incessant thoughts about whether or not this new girl and I will make it. Which has been consistent with past relationships as well. I think about it more than I should. I wonder if it is some type of self-sabotaging behavior or if they are genuine worries?
Another place my mind goes in replacement of old worries, is to compare the pros and cons of being single to those of dating someone. This is especially annoying because It is literally the backwards thinking that screams irrationality. I wanted to not be single, then when I am, I begin to question which of the two states I am a happier in. This highlights the importance of addressing these feelings independently of my relationships/dating life. Those are feelings and thoughts I need to process on my own without using others as a quick remedy.
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